Children and why we have them (snowflake alert?)

It would seem that I am in a minority in my view that children are, for the most part, wonderful and magical, and may be the best part of our species - I am now ready to be a father but illness, my age and the increasingly precarious state of our homeworld, not to mention the seemingly insurmountable hurdles to adoption all make it impossible for me to be a dad. I am aware, from many things which are said, that I would be told that my view of children is unrealistic - after all, 'adult right/child wrong, adult good/child bad. child problem/adult solution' - does this sound familiar?

We seem to have a bizarre set of reasons for deciding on the inclusion of children in our lives (although I use the word 'inclusion' advisedly as it seems common to keep ones' children at arms' length) - there is a long list, which we have all heard at some point and it goes like this; to have 'something' of my own to love - to cement a relationship - to prove oneself to be an adult - to prove ones' maturity - to offer up to ones' god of choice - to live through vicariously - to carry on a name or bloodline - to lift Ma and Pa from poverty - and, my favourite, 'someone who will love me unconditionally'. This last one, in particular, is a gigantic red flag and, as with the others, shows that a potential Junior is of no consequence, and is certainly not seen as a person in their own right, and cannot be seen as having rights.

The idea of one-way unconditionality is linked to the old awful idea of 'honour thy father and mother', wherein Ma and Pa are allowed to do as they please to Junior, who should welcome whatever rancid cr*p is thrown their way.

This is not on - I've been there,seen the movie and have the t-shirt as has my wonderful lamented sister -as she used to say, ' throw some food their way, do the bare minimum and wait in tension for them to leave home'.

I don't see how we can possibly be on the right track to being good parents when we are largely incapable of relating to them, understanding them, respecting them, and having no interest in the wonder of being part of knowing your child, learning about them and from them, and being completely involved in their rapid personal evolution; children are not fashion accessories, ornaments or fixtures, they are each a person, an individual and human, deserving of respect, understanding and the very best that we should give, to protect and nurture the best in each child - we owe them - it is we who decide to bring them into our lives, and if we are failing them, be honest, and give them up for adoption so that they may just have the chance of the lives which they deserve.

I know that if I were able to have the two daughters for whom I long, I would worship them, but it is too late for me.

I hope that if this post is to be pulled for whatever reason, that at least one person may recognise what I have written and comment or maybe comment just to b*ll*ck me - unpalatable opinions and so forth. Thanks to Dreamsville.